I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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