I faked an abortion last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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