And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
