i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
