Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
