Are we in a gay sports bar?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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