i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
