I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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