i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
