what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
