don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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