i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
