some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
