Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
