Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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