The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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