You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
