just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
