I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
