I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
