dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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