At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
