She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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