why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
