all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
