I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
