Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
did you just send me my own nude
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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