drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
