I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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