Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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