I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
