Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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