My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
