your room smells of hookers.
And success
im holly from the hills drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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