Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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