Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
sex in a hospital.. check
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
