my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize