I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
