I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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