Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
