so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
