I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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