Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can I color on your dick again?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
