There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
