I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
