Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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