So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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