Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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