Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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