how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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