dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
