You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
