life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
