it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
