I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I still have a little drunk in my system
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
