So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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