We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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