I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
