No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
