If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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