Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Boobs speak an international language.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
