he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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