arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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