maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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