apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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