I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
