U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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