If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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