So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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