the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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