just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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