Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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