I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
