Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
