Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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